Saturday, June 15, 2013

It's All About Perception

Today I'm feeling curious, motivated and relaxed.
Today, I will read more about how medication affects the brain.

Hi Followers and Fellow Bloggers!

I finished reading Attention Deficit Disorder: A Different Perception by Thom Hartmann on Monday and reread it yesterday, taking a few notes. It's truly a different perspective on ADD/ADHD and I quite liked how Mr. Hartmann presented the information.  Although a bit wishy-washy on his stance with the medication, I think that he made great points in the 'For/Against' arguments for medicating.

The thing I liked best about the book was the reiteration that the ADD/ADHD traits are part of our children's personality! Like, their sense of humor or the color of the hair.  It's not a disorder, disability, and that there is nothing wrong with them.  They just don't fit into society's perceived models of 'normal'.  They are their own normal and there are so many others like them.

For example, he uses the comparison of a Hunter for children with ADD/ADHD and a Farmer for children without.  Hunters had to always be aware of their surroundings when looking for food. They had to know when danger was coming and adapt quickly to changes to be successful in the kill.  Modern day ADD/ADHD children exhibit these same traits! They are easily 'distracted', switch quickly from one activity to another, and have a hard time sitting still.  Farmers rose at sunrise, at breakfast, planted food, watched it grow, harvested and prepared.  Modern day Farmer children are very still in their seats for long periods of time, can focus on just one task at a time and often unable to multi task well, and enjoy the 'sameness' of their daily routines. 

He went into great lengths about how our modern school systems are quick to point out the 'disability' of Hunters, even though they just have characteristics that differ from Farmer types.  A very interesting thing I read and wholly agreed with was the way a Gifted program is handled. Hunters need to be constantly on the move, exploring, sensing and touching. They need to be able to handle the lesson and explore it. They are bright, inquisitive and often quite 'gifted' and intelligent.  These same traits keep them from excelling in the classroom because sitting, listening, and looking are so boring for them!  In order to qualify for most district Gifted programs, you have to have awesome grades. Just think about it: what if we adjusted this model and created classrooms for Hunters and classrooms for Farmers, where could really excel? The instance of modification plans (IEP's and 504's) would be cut dramatically. The thought was so provoking and I think it would be so awesome if we could get away from "ancient" school models of "Sit, Stay, Listen" and gear it towards "Look, Learn, Do."

Very interesting reading! Get a copy if you can and get ready to have a new perspective!
Leo

It's All Good

Hi Blogger Friends!

Haven't been on much because, there hasn't been much to write about! Things are going about the same in all aspects: we are enjoying our summer even though my body has forgotten how to sleep in! We are doing various activities with friends to keep the kids busy, encouraging reading, and I'm organizing and getting ready for a new school year.

Hailey had her med follow up appointment yesterday and everything went well.  She had initially went from 62.6 pounds, to 58 pounds and yesterday, she weighed in at 61.9 pounds! I'm very happy as the weight has concerned me with the Focalin. When I discovered she had lost weight, I began upping her caloric intake, including taking her off the meds twice a week. It has paid off. The doctor said she still needs to gain a little more so she can pretty much have all the things the rest of us shouldn't: butter and syrup on the pancakes, peanut butter as often as she wants it, and we are starting Boost shakes. So far, she doesn't like them. We got Vanilla this time. We'll try chocolate next time. If that doesn't work, we'll try Pediasure. She is hopelessly picky!  Hoping we'll find something she really likes this summer so I can include them with lunch next year.

Dr. Baker also suggested that we not wait to get the 504 documents started. She feels we need to keep the tools that we've been using in place. Most relate directly to her health so they are beneficial for her.  She's overall happy with the progress report and our journaling (done separately), which helps her note anything specific we need to address/change.  The medication won't be adjusted right now. There is no need for her to be still and quiet, so, we'll wait until the middle of the 1st grading period to have the teacher evaluate her for us.

I found out that we are losing our fabulous principal, guidance counselor and rumor has it, the school nurse too. It feels even more worrisome that the people I've worked so closely with about Hailey are all leaving and I wonder how successfully we can build those relationships with new people! Some people just aren't aware and sadly, don't want to learn about the individuals they teach. Not all, but some.  Looks like there'll be a lot of finger crossing and praying here in our house.

I guess I will blog as often as I have something to say! Until then, remember to enjoy your children, no matter the difficulties. They are our biggest blessing.

Be Blessed!
Leo

Monday, June 10, 2013

Monday, Schmonday!

Morning Friends!

Today I am: feeling better, relaxed
Today I will: enjoy the day with my kids.

It's Monday! We're on summer break so while we are still getting up on our regular school schedule, we are not hurrying to get lots of things done.  I have found it very helpful to keep Hailey on the same schedule all the time. Although, I have been lacksadaisy this summer and have let the girls stay up late and sleep in late. It's fairly easy to revert to our normal routine so a day or two of fun time is ok..I think they need it!

I went down with a migraine last Friday and haven't posted all weekend b/c of it. As you may know, when Mom gets sick, the house comes to a stand still. My husband is an excellent caregiver so he did what he could. I think it may have been the overwhelming emotions as my husband acknowledged his own challenges and we talked about how we can help each other to help him AND help Hailey.  I have a lot of faith and know I am a lucky woman. Sometimes things just don't go as planned. We have to push ourselves through it and know there is a rainbow out there!

Aside from catching up housework, I also got our Introduction Letter done. This will prepare Hailey's new teacher for the challenges she'll be facing this year. It is my hope that it will benefit the teacher by giving her knowledge and understanding, and also Hailey, so she has someone who understands what she faces each day. I am still not sure just how much I should include but I want to cover the basics and let her (the teacher) know that I'm supporting her through this year.  Our teacher last year was feeling the frustration as much as I was because I just didn't want to face it at the time. That really hurt Hailey and her teacher.  I know things would've been different if I'd of accepted it sooner but that's water under the bridge and it's only a mistake if you've learned something from it! Prepare, prepare, prepare!

If you need help constructing a letter of introduction for your child, there are some really great examples here:
 
http://www.additudemag.com/search/google.html?match_words=introduction+letter&x=0&y=0
 
I know I use ADDitudemag a lot but they have SO much wonderful information on their site. It helps me feel less alone in dealing with the additional daily struggles and challenges! It's so encouraging to see that people can succeed and have a really happy life, even with ADD/ADHD. That's what I want for all my kids!

There are a lot of people, I have discovered through reading articles and blogs, who don't believe in ADD/ADHD, specifically the Inattentive Type. They say it's just laziness and that their parents aren't doing their jobs. I got angry at the first article I read! I kept reading though to see if they could substantiate it and I lost the anger because I know they can't possibly know what I know! I think they must be so lucky to not have to overcome so many extra obstacles in their life! Sure, I didn't believe it either at first but as I read and go through those checklists and listen to other girls (now women, some very successful) who faced these problems, I'm still confident in my decision to have the diagnosis made and to start her on the medication.  It's a learning process and I always question the medication, until she gets up each day and takes it. I see her change into that sweet, funny little girl who doesn't get frustrated with herself because she can't remember what she was doing.  She doesn't feel helpless and doesn't get discouraged. I see the hope in her eyes and I know, for us, it was the right decision for now. If that makes me a bad parent to some, I'm ok with that. It's made me an ally with my daughter and made me respect what she goes through. It's made me change the way I think and the way I deal with things.  It's made me a better Mom.

We have a follow up appointment with Dr. Baker this Friday and I'm a little nervous.  She is bumping Hailey's medication dose up again.  Hailey is so tiny that she doesn't have the wiggle room to lose a lot of weight so we are stepping her up slowly, every 4 weeks. This also gives us the chance to monitor if we've reached the right dosage slowly. Initially, the changes were dramatic both positively and negatively: she was very quiet, very relaxed, very focused but not eating, wearing a watch to remind her to drink (important because of her kidney reflux), and having drops in blood sugar that made her feel shaky and sick.  Stepping up should reduce the side effects too and admittedly, Hailey hasn't had many, once we started managing food and fluid intake better.

I'm amazed at how quickly I've adjusted to dealing with all of that too! We keep peanut butter cups and protein bars everywhere, I bought her a watch with an hourly chime to remind her to drink and keep an assortment of healthy snacks on hand so she'll find something that is appetizing.  There are reusable bottles for water everywhere too! She eats before her meds each morning so I know she gets a good meal in. I've also tracked her weight each week and kept a journal when I notice behaviors changing or questions that come up.  That journal is my lifeline with Dr. Baker and gives her a good baseline of how Hailey is doing. I recently decided to have Hailey skip 1 day a week of the meds so she eats well. Boy, does she eat on that day! That really helps keep her weight loss to a minimum and I can pump her full of healthy yummy things!

I have noticed that she is falling back into old patterns so I think she has adjusted to the dosage and we haven't reached the correct one yet. In the past week, her appetite has picked up on the meds (yay!), she's becoming frustrated with forgetting things, is wandering aimlessly during unscheduled time, and isn't able to focus on one activity as long as before. I've also noticed I'm not able to visibly see the transition as the meds leave her system in the afternoons.



What I learned: We've got to be our children's strongest advocate! No one is more vested in their happiness and success than we are. Even if others don't agree with you, do what you feel is the best for you and your family!


Be Blessed!
~Leo

Currently Reading:
Only A Mother Could Love Him My Life and Triumph over ADD, by Ben Polis 
Attention Deficit Disorder: A Different Perception, by Thom Hartmann



Friday, June 7, 2013

Ah ha!

Today, I am feeling overwhelmed, full of thoughts, agitated.
Today, I will be kind in action, take lots of deep breaths, and be thankful.

I had one of these moments this morning about 4am. 

I have been doing a LOT of reading on ADD/ADHD, especially articles about the differences between how males and females exhibit the behaviors differently.  In the midst of those articles, I lost that string of study and temporarily found a new one.  I found myself following links to reading about ADD/ADHD and how it affects adults. I couldn't believe what I was reading: they were describing my husband in eery detail.

One particularly disturbing and informative string was about women whose husbands have this imbalance. I was scared that I was going to scroll down and find my hubby's picture on her blog. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks: I think my husband has the same thing as Hailey!

I can't tell you how fast the synapses in my brain were firing off. I was having one of the revelation moments I hear people talk about it (which has never happened to me before.). This was such a gradual process with Hailey. As her mother, I was attuned to the changes happening and noting and filing them until I had a list compiled which I could turn over and over and analyze.

Not this morning! It was like the 4th of July in my head! It explained the blank expressions during conversation, not picking up after himself, his hyperfocus with certain things, his inability to multitask, his nonchalant attitude about tasks, lack of organization, and failure to stick to time schedules. He's constantly losing even important things. He hates when our routine is out of whack or if I rearrange anything.  Anything he finds boring is instantly tuned out. OH my gracious: I have been a nagging wife! I thought this was normal-these things were the things that good natured ribbing and husband jokes were made of.  I've said to him many times that I wish he could look past the end of his own nose and here I am, figuring out that I wasn't looking past the end of my own!

I think over the frustration and hair pulling, arguments and crying spells I've had over these things and can't help but wonder where I've been! How did I not link the two together when I started noticing early changes in Hailey.  How did I miss in all the research, reading, and note taking I've already done, that he struggles with the exact same things? I am convinced beyond all reason because the same 3 requests I've made, day in and out, over 11 years, still never get done: close the shower curtain, pick your clothes up off the floor, don't come in the house with your shoes on. 

So, over some strong coffee and a lot of deep breaths (because his lack of focus can be very disconcerting) and gently talking about this, I don't think I'm over reacting or jumping to a conclusion. His one statement confirmed it for both us: "I've always been like that. I think that's why I didn't like school. Mom used to get on me for not listening, just like you do, but I am listening. I just have to find the right thought in all those thoughts up there, that I need to actually say."

Wow. So, I'm thinking a lot today. How I can do things differently for him and how, all this time, I've been wrongly thinking that he's doing these things to be mean, how lazy, and how disrespectful of a person he is to me. I've said the same about him that I've struggled to explain to others who have said the same things about Hailey!! He is very successful in his life and didn't seem to be worried about our conversation and is not interested in getting help at this point. He surmises that he's made it this far, what's the point? Maybe he is right. I don't want to nag and I've got to get a grip on how I am going to deal with this.  More research and definitely finding some ways I can help him without him knowing so I don't bruise his ego. If he really does have this, he's not going to want to hear it all the time, just like Hailey doesn't.  I hope this will help me not be exasperated with him so much too.

Take Care Today!
~Leo

P.S. Hailey loves the new command center and is asking lots of questions about how it will work. She's been really irritable this morning and I think we're having a truly lazy day.

BUILD YOUR OWN HANGING WALL FILE

From the Storm Day Organizing post, here are the instructions for building your own hanging wall file.

First, you'll need to decide on how many folders for each child. I am using 3: FOR MOM, RETURN TO TEACHER, IMPORTANT FORMS. The original blog I found used one folder for each day of the week because they homeschooled. You could just use two for IN/OUT but the organization blogs I read said we should use very specific labels for Hailey to know exactly what can go in that pocket.

I chose to use standard 2 pocket, laminated paper folders. I matched up coordinating colors/designs for each child: they were cheaper than anything else.  I got everything for this part at the local Dollar General. I found instructions on wrapping plain manila folders with decorative Duct tape or mod- podge fabric to them: that's way too labor intensive for me but feel free to do that if you have the patience! I bet they'd be cute! I'm only providing instructions for what I did but you can alter them
easily.


Three sets of 3


Supplies:
File folders
Sharp Scissors
Scotch Tape
Duct Tape
Ribbon
*Washi Tape/embellishments (optional, if you wish to decorate it)
Hot glue gun and sticks
3M strips or hanging accessories


1. Cut the inside pockets out of the folders. Because they'll hang sideways, you won't need them and they will prevent the papers from sliding in and out easily. Save the scraps to reinforce the labels later.
 


Folder with pockets
Pockets Removed
 



2. Choose the order of your folders for aesthetics. You'll be starting with your bottom folder. Open it and lay it with the spine down.

In Order
 
 

Folder Spine Side Down


3. Choose the middle folder and place it, closed, along the top edge of the top flap on the bottom folder.  Using the sheet of paper, see if it peeks out of the top of the bottom folder, while leaving room to affix a label on the middle one. Be sure to leave enough room for the size of the label you are using: you don't want it covered when papers are inserted. Don't glue yet!

Bottom folder with the middle folder on back flap
 

4. Continue this process for each folder. Once you get it where you want, you can use scotch tape to hold them in place so they don't move.  Be careful NOT to stick it on the outside decorative part, as it will pull off the design when you get ready to affix it permanently. I also marked the inside of each folder so I would know how far down it should go.

What it looks when built


5. Now hot glue or tape the left and right edges and where they attach to each other. Be careful not to glue your opening slots (where the paper is placed in the photo).

6. Let the adhesive/glue dry! I waited 20 minutes just to be safe!

7. For more decoration and/or additional sturdiness, you can go along the left and right sides with decorative Duct tape or Washi tape. It also gives it a nice finished look. I skipped this step for now since our local Duct tape selection is limited and I wanted each set of folders to coordinate.

8. Time to label!  I chose to use plain paper and attached to one of the leftover folder pocket pieces to make it sturdy. Choose a font that is clear and easy to read and a color that shows up well. You could also use 3d stickers, etc. It should pop like advertising to grab the child's attention and be easy to read.

9. At this point, you have to decide HOW to hang it. Because punching holes with all these layers seemed like a Herculean task, I just hot glued cute ribbon to the back and reinforced with some duct tape.

10. I wasn't sure how much room I'd need for everything else so I chose to wait and buy 3M strips later and used small push pins to get it up.
 
 
 
 

Ta-da! So, you can see why I didn't go for a different process. This already had a lot of steps to it and my goal was a One Day project. One folder got ruined because I experimented with a straight blade. The cuts were a little difficult and I was glad I thought of the tape along the edges to make it look more finished.

You can also see on the right side that one set of folders is slightly shorter than the others: I was not feeling well and wasn't paying attention. :)

Did you try this? Did it turn out? I would love pictures and to hear how it went for you.  If I can clarify anything, please email me or post!

Be Creative!
~Leo

Storm Day Organizing

Today,  06/06/13, I'm feeling: organized, determined, relaxed.

We have tropical storm Andrea heading our way and I though it'd be the perfect time to get some things ready for the new school year.  I've been doing a lot of reading about organization: nothing new in this house. I'm fastidious about cleanliness and organization.  Even my cabinets and closets are organized in a specific manner and I change them if I feel negative when opening a door to anything. Yeah-I'm a little crazy, in a good way.

The problem I've found is they tell you WHAT to do but never show you HOW to do it. "Implement a filing system." Well, sheesh, there are a thousand ways to do that. So, I combed Pinterest and Google and blog after blog.  I'm cheap, so anything from a certain felonious home decorator (ahem) wasn't going to work. I finally found some ideas that I could combine for my own. I'm working on them today. So, that's what I'll tell you about. I included instructions for everything so the post may get long. I hate seeing cute things without instructions on how to do it. Look for split postings for more detailed how-to.

DECISIONS, DECISIONS

Step 1: Pinterest has some great ideas for command centers and there are so many DIY projects out there. Pick something easy because let's face it: dealing with some extravagant project is just going to add to your workload and possibly make you hate it.

Step2: Decide the options that will work best for you, snapshot that idea, and shop for the supplies you need to make it happen. I got nearly everything for mine at the hardware store and the local Dollar General.  You may want file folders for paperwork instead of expensive plastic hanging file bins. You may want a chalk board section instead of dry erase, etc, etc.

Step3: Decide the location.  I chose to put ours in the living room in a weird little space where nothing else fit or looked good.  Our desk and office area are right there, you have to pass it to exit either door in the house and it's very visible! Visibility is a great tool for us and consolidation will make it easier to find everything in ONE place. There was nothing more frustrating than 4 pages of homework being lost in drawers, in the bed, or under the couch!

Step4: Take your time. Make it work for your kids AND you! Label and color code everything simply. Use the same method for each child, maybe a different color scheme. (Hailey likes pink, Maddie likes blue and green, JC isn't picky.) And choose things that are heavy duty. It's a little more initially but how can you use it if it come apart? Things have a way of deteriorating at lightning speed with kids. ;)

Step5: Have fun! Be prepared to use what you create. I read an article last night from ADDitude.com about implementing a routine and running your house like Army barracks, minus the yelling. It does make sense: routine, routine, routine.

PROJECT TIME!

I chose to install, for each child, new sturdy hooks for backpacks and jackets, a 3 pocket hanging wall file for paperwork, dry erase planners for chores, and a clip board for displaying great work. You can tweak it for your own purpose. The original blog I found had used a folder for every day of the week (it was for homeschoolers).

Here is the space we chose. Josh is measuring to install a reinforced backpack and jacket center so they are no longer thrown wherever they land. We like this because it has two walls if we need to expand.
 
Here is the  installed rail. We chose a really sturdy board instead of standard chair railing or crown moulding because their backpacks are so heavy. Our school district doesn't have lockers in any school. We had the hardware store cut the board for us (no mitered corners.) to fit the space and drilled it into the wall studs. Find the wall studs to keep it strong!
 
 It didn't budge!
 
 
Next, I created the hanging wall file. There really were no instructions, it was a matter of trial and error and copying what was in pictures. I chose NOT to use decorative file folders but cute two pocket folders instead. They were cheaper, more accessible, and had more design ideas. I have the instructions for this on another post b/c it was detailed and long!
 
Once the hanging files were done, I decided a clipboard would be great to show off great work, so it went up.
 
We already have a chore chart (on the right side of the wall on a bulletin board) because my computer has a great template: I just change the dates for each week and color code them for each person.
(Here is Hailey checking her list.)
 
 
 I still thought a dry erase strip for important things would be good for the new year. Since they have different resource on different days, it'd be good to write those down for each child (music, PE, Library, etc.) Then, we can check that the night before and make sure they have what they need for that day. They are under the clipboards in the picture.
  
 
So, here is the almost final product: Driver Command Central Station. I need the label the folders.
I think I'll add a cute throw rug and some wooden initials near the border but it's fully functional!
 
 
 Be Blessed!
~Leo
 P.S. Notice the ones on the far right are a little off: I was not feeling good by that point and wasn't paying attention but for me, it's ok. Just remember to measure them if you want them all the same size!
 
 
 

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

At The Speed of..Stress

Hi Friends!

Today's Feeling: Stressed, Anxious, Happy, Needing a glass of wine


School has been out since May 24th and I've been feeling so worried about next year. It's Hailey's last year in her school before she goes to the Middle School here.  We didn't get a chance to have any instructional assessment on the Focalin XR.  With it being the last two weeks of school, testing was over, and all the End of Year (EOY) activities in class, there was no seat work or testing, or reading, to observe.  To top it off, I'm trying to gear myself up for a 504 request, gifted testing, and another year of Hailey hating school.  I'm not a negative person but I plan for the worst and hope for the best.

Our 4th grade teacher Mrs. C *name changed for her privacy*, was phenomenal in accommodating us for changes that could help Hailey.  Before we had the official diagnosis, we were under the impression that Hailey was being lazy and just not putting forth a concerted effort.  So, we implemented new behavioral rewards, charts, organizational tools, and incessant communication to help her.  I know this may not be the case next year since this school pushes responsibility, accountability, independence and maturity to prepare them for middle school. I can only pray I get another great teacher but I feel sick about it.  While wonderful to us, Mrs. C really struggled with how to handle Hailey's lack of focus and organization.  Being a substitute teacher, I tried to implement plans that would not increase her workload because honestly, keeping up with Hailey during instruction time is another full time job! From others, including volunteers, I found out that the students completely shut Hailey out, the teacher was snippy and snide to her (out of sheer frustration, I am sure.), and she was very alone. She ate alone, she played alone, she read alone, she walked alone. She was surrounded by all those people but she was alone.

I think about that last statement and feel my heart breaking each time.  To think, I've been sending her to school and she's been surrounded by a classroom full of kids and she's been so alone.  I hear how she was spoken to, how the other children treated her, recall the seemingly sweet words at conferences and wonder how in the world I could've done it differently.  I really beat myself over the fact that I ignored a respected mentor's assessment of her in 1st grade. I could've gotten her help sooner. Would've it have been better? Would she be in a different place? Would she have struggled so much?  She was showing signs then but I didn't want to hear that anything was wrong! I didn't want her to be 'labeled', I didn't want her to have any less of a chance at success.  In the end, I didn't want to hear that something was wrong and I couldn't fix it or help.

But, after 1 year of homeschooling, 2 years of hell in our Intermediate school, and watching her defeated little face with every weekly report, progress report, and report card, I decided it was time. Time will tell if it's too late to undue the negative but we're working on it, fast and furiously. Her pediatrician reviewed all the Vanderbilt's, assessed Hailey, questioned me like nobody's business, and laid it out in black and white: she needed more than the help I was able to give.

With that paper came days of crying myself to sleep but feeling relieved that there was a reason! There was a silver lining! We could put a name to what it was that made her do these odd things and not keep up: Inattentive Type ADHD, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).  It wasn't a disability, it was a learning difference. It wasn't a deformity, it was a chemical imbalance.  It wasn't laziness. I wanted to rub that paper in her teacher's face and blow a raspberry and say, "See! She's not a bad kid. I told you!" But, in turn, her first grade teacher would have the right to say, "See! I told you so!", so I'm eating a bit of crow.

This was going to teach me quickly that I'd have to speak positive, walk positive, talk positive, preach encouragement, and suck down my 'screw you' instinct dealing with people who didn't understand ADD or my kid. And, it's teaching me that I have to let go of the 'my way or the highway' mentality that helped me survived to adulthood. My child on a narcotic? Not in a million years..until now.

I just pray that I am able to keep a positive perspective, especially in her presence. Teach her to keep it classy when dealing with less than desirable people and situations.  I pray she never feels she's a burden to me because of something I say or do.

Until next time!
~Leo